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A few nights ago, I’d noticed how one car headlight wasn’t working. Two nights later, I noticed the other headlight stopped working. I take my car to the mechanic to replace them. My mechanic takes the small globe out, shows me the fading filaments inside the bulb. “This should be coated orange.” Instead, it is nearly transparent, with random orange spots. He replaces both of them. I ask him about the lights on the side. “Those are the blinkers.” …But they’re not on! He puts the indicators on, and we both realise they’re definitely not on. He sighs, reaches into the hood and replaces yet another bulb. Me: I think the other one isn’t working too… He asks me how many days I’ve been driving around without the lights on, and when I put on my indicators, do I not hear a rapid click? Oh.. you mean that’s connected to the lights not working?! He laughs, then fixes it for me. I drive away with new, shining lights on my car, wondering if this was why the future has been feeling foggy and unclear. No, I’ve just been casually dissociating, feeling safer prepping for the future than being here in my life, now, today, trying to write this email to you. ~ . ~ . ~ Gemini is the twin. The flitting attention, the flirting paradox, the dance between light and heavy, curious and careless. A bee hovers around the eight stems of Chinese lantern flowers in my vase. I let myself follow the bee around the room, feeling relaxed. Then I think about the amount of things I have to get done and wait how am I not doing enough like tom dick and harry and start to feel the edges of my tummy clenching again. ~ There is a big busy shopping mall with bright white lights, busy crowds scrambling for end of financial year sales (wait has it started yet), and you just trying to get to the post office but now you’re in the stationary shop buying yet another pen. Then you walk out to the rooftop carpark and the sun is setting over the city, a pink orange light like you’ve never seen before, but a familiar feeling of this is beautiful, like every sunset you’ve seen, but today you decide to let it all the way in. You are teaching your body that it is safe to let more beauty in. ~ The twin experience within yourself is that you can be in the same room, same time, same body, and experiencing your here and now (present moment) as completely different experiences. Pendulation is what happens when our nervous system organically shifts into a different nervous system state. The trick (hi mercury) is that we can personally facilitate (not force) this shift by simply moving our attention from this to that. From the crowded shopping mall (stressed out) state to the rooftop carpark overlooking the sun setting (in awe) state. Pendulation as swinging between two states. The change does not have to feel dramatic, in fact, it most likely won’t. We are not looking for a jump-from-L1-to-L7 catharsis. Just level one to … level two, maybe back down to level one again, and see if we want to check out the vibe on level two again. ~ an attention shifting experiment:Bring your attention to where you feel constriction or tightness Bring your attention elsewhere - maybe the tree outside your window, sturdy and rooted. Or something in your room that feels comforting. Or another part of your body that feels… strangely neutral? Maybe it’s numb, that’s okay. You’re just noticing. Let your attention stay here for a moment, notice the textures of what you’re looking at, listening to, feeling into. Notice what is different now.
~ The Gemini truth is that there are multiple, varied, myriad timelines happening all at once, simultaneously. Or maybe, just two. Your willingness to simply change your focus for a few moments… brings you to a parallel party where the music is just right, and the people are exactly the ones you’ve been hoping to meet. Bringing your attention elsewhere is a tiny but powerful act in reminding your body that: Maybe you’re not stuck, maybe you’re just at a standstill, pausing, waiting for something to happen. What if you can give yourself the key to unlock a different door where in the exact same moment where you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed and irritated… you open the door to a party where there are butterflies flitting around your favourite flower and the host made a cup of hot tea for you, with the comfiest couch? What else is also present right now that you like, enjoy and appreciate? ~ Happy Mercury Day! This week might be feeling sticky in some ways bar one (hopefully two). May you notice that there is also always, another flowing river of life available to you, right here, right now. Rachel x
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