I’ve been in a frustrating sort of place - where the grief has no explicit face some days beyond my luteal phase and I can no longer blame the stars for my tears.

So I am trying out this thing where I sit down and write stream of consciousness directly to you.

I’m making a pot of congee on my stove. The first time in three years. The last time, for a friend who was getting sick and things were still peachy between us. When I told my lover how I made and ate seven burgers in a week, he asked: is that a comfort food for you? In Taurus season too! Groundbreaking. My Taurus Sun aunt once told me how when she first moved to England in her twenties and discovered cereal she ate it for breakfast lunch dinner for two months straight.

Is that a comfort thing for you?

Right now I’m wearing my cosiest wool jumper, impractical for doing things with the yarn catching on every other sharp corner.

But it’s a comfort thing.

Comfort. Slow. Boring. Lazy. Repetitive. Stubborn.

Some words of what you might find looking up Taurus on the internet.

I actually appreciate seeing what keywords we throw around in pop astrology, even if they are shamey and pathologising.

It reveals what the collective psyche values, respects, devalues and disrespects.

With Uranus having just moved out of Taurus nearly two weeks ago - for the final time in our lifetimes - it feels like I am anchoring back to ground in the aftershock of an earthquake where the landscape is unrecognisable to the me of 2018. Touching remnants of the changes that have disrupted my life with Uranus moving through my first house of selfhood since May 2018. For the sign least inclined to move simply because everyone else is, a repetitive lesson has been learning how to steady myself on unsteady ground, teetering tottering, finding belonging in my body again and again so it feels like a welcoming lush meadow and not somewhere I keep trying to outrun.

In a call today with Madison in Radical Attention, I am remembering again how radical it actually is to move at the pace of our animal body so we do not rush past our grief and pain and shame… to get on with the program.

We have more time than we think. More space than our minds would have us believe.

Maybe it is safe to lean in again to what comforts you first.

And yes this may feel repetitive but each moment you are alive is new, emergent and different.

Healing is cyclical and the magic is that it truly does get lighter when you finally stop bracing against the goodness of life that is ready to greet you with a warm embrace.

What if it is safe to say no so your body doesn’t have to?

What if it is safe to say yes to a tad more comfort today?

Our bodies relaxes with the felt sense of safety. Give yourself permission to receive the soft kindness you’ve been craving.

Wishing you a sprinkling whimsy the rest of this Venus in Gemini day - read a new book for fun, get bored and start another one.

May you find one more minute of space to just breathe, and feel how time expands with you.

Love,
Rachel